Settling down: my rebutal

My friends have been trying to dissuade me from the path which I’m ready to take, a path apparently so scary to them that they couldn’t wish such a fate for me. Every time I utter those words, I see them take a defensive position as if the very devil has invaded our holy space. Its like I’m Arthur, and they are the knights of the holy table, ready to slay any dragon which threatens to snatch me from their careful watch. They bare their fangs at that one who would infringe on their way of life, the one supposedly, who will break apart a friendship based on mutual respect and convenience. The one who would take me away and for life, keep me locked down in her embrace, and in my domain which would be hers to control. Ladies and gentleman, she would be my missus, and no one, has lent a supporting hand towards my endeavors.

Anyway, lets discard of this hypocritical attempt at attaining literal flow in describing an issue which should be simple and not worthy of such talents. For some time now, I’ve been looking forward to settling down with a nice girl and ridding myself of this lonely cloak called bachelorhood. My friends on the other hand have united to wage war against this ambition and have made it out to be a proverbial situation of digging my own grave. When did we as a society start viewing marriage as a dungeon rather than a sacred institution which fosters well being, happiness and perpetuation of sacred life. For them, I’m either too young or haven’t enjoyed life as much as I should. Well, at least in their distorted point of view. But regardless of their opinions, and i do care for it, my life remains my life last time I checked. The croaking of frogs does not stop an elephant from drinking water, no pun intended. So sooner than later I will surprise them with the good news that I have found my self “a jiko.”

I’m not a player neither I’m I a bad boy. This shouldn’t matter but it does if only to understand the mind frame of some of the most vocal opponents. These are pals who have a beautiful girl every other day in their house keeping them company and partaking of the proverbial honey. All that fun while I wallow in loneliness and melancholy in my house, cold, bored and depressed. They have a warm meal prepared with love while I nibble at my indifferent bread and sip of my forlorn cup of sadness. They sweat with passion while I shiver in the suppressed memory of satiated desire. They cuddle against milky soft flesh while darkness stalks my sole form in a house designed for two. So when I climb the stairs and I hear the laughter, the smell of spices in kitchens, the moans of love as they creep their way into my unwilling ears, I wish i had a missus of my own. This is not a whim, its a wish which refuses to leave my being, an idea which took root and continues to grow whether watered or not.

But the world seems to have conspired with my friends to deny me this one wish. I can feel fate throw his head back in laughter, a laughter of malice and sarcasm. That I would be denied of a suitable mate while thousands flock Nyayo to pray for a suitable husband. When ladies keep whining of the supposed lack of suitable men to settle down with. Sad really when every where I go I see men with suitable girls dying to settle down with them and the imps are more bent on chasing after other skirts and the pursuit of hedonism. But such is life, a life which the wise claims, gives you  what you need rather than what you want. So, if this has any shred of truth, it must mean that life doesn’t mean for me to settle down yet. In the meantime, she is the best alternative to a wife right now, better even. I can see the curiosity in your minds dear readers, but that is a story for another time. A story I believe is not mine but hers to tell.


29 responses to “Settling down: my rebutal

  1. I can feel the sadness and depression you describe so well.. guess that makes you a very good writer?

    Anyway, curious to see who this is who is the better alternative to a wife?

  2. 🙂 this is beautifully honest…
    A couple of years back I had a similar troubling moment of self reflection. For me though it was because what is socially the norm was in conflict with what I felt…

    Anyway, I believe, we all experience stuff differently even if we’re all craving for the intimacy that comes from all sorts of relationships…at the end of the day, it comes down to you and you alone and what you truly desire…what you’re willing to take a chance on…and remember, what you want is not necessarily what you need 😉

    • truth be told i dont like marriage, the monotony of a long life choice, but as compared to the loneliness of being alone most of the times, it all amounts to one question, which one is the lesser evil.

      • Hmmm…but who says you can’t be married and still lonely? You’d be surprised at how many married people are lonely…

        And, have you ever thought of just trying to have a relationship with a lady who like you, doesn’t want to be married. This is a tricky one though, ‘coz you have to be sure that she REALLY doesn’t want to get married (or even have kids) and is not just saying so, to please you (in the hope that you’ll one day change your mind)…try that and see how it goes…if at some point in your lives, you want something different & it’s not in sync with what the other wants, then call it quits and move on…the most important thing is that when you’re getting together you be very clear & honest with what you want from each other…

      • somehow experience has total me that women willl say what they mean only for their priorities to shift the following day, hard to take their long term words

  3. I nearly fell off my seat reading about “nibbling at my idifferent bread and sipping of my cup of sadness” You evoke the funny-sad images straight from the deep South picture the player’s sad tune on his harmonica telling how his wife has left him, the dog has died and the bank are coming to repossess the shamba. I love this

    As far as settling – we must never rush it, like death, it will come when it will come

  4. Nice read, the honesty is refreshing. Look for the Holstee Manifesto….I like the part that says that you should stop looking for the love of your life, it will find you when you start doing the things you love. And when you do settle down, you have to make marriage your own green pasture :)..sure it may have moments that will not be favourable but that is life, isn’t it.

  5. Well written. I won’t give my opinion on this subject because it would be a dangerously warped one. But maybe I can afford to advise you not to let your peers pressure you.

  6. “They sweat with passion while I shiver in the suppressed memory of satiated desire”

    Now this statement will make one lonely…wah kijana
    And what’s with the suspense?

  7. Savvy describes it well when she says that the sadness and depression come straight at the reader – the writer is doing a fine job. Much of the writer’s work reveals itself in the comments left by readers. That is where magic happens.

    Now – there is a growing queue of readers who request that Pitzevans reveal this alternative – we are dying to know……..

  8. Good post Pitzevans. I was in your shoes many years ago. There is an advice an older married friend gave me. that the day I come across “The One”, I should take that opportunity and settle down. I was not sure how I was ever going to know The One but he told me I will just know, in the meanwhile to continue taking and enjoying life as it came. The one day I met her and I just knew. I have never regretted that decision. I am not sure whether this will work for you but it is all I can share. In the meanwhile, enjoy your life and don’t try to push the issue.

  9. You will just know……That is the only answer to the question, “How will I know…” @otienohongo – we too took the opportunity with both hands and whilst we have had some rocky times – I would do the same again. Sound advice for Pitzevans.

    ps – Woolies own parents split up ages ago. Marriage is not for everyone

    • “He who finds a good wife finds a beautiful thing” says the bible, bu t for that to apply, it must be said that there are realy bad wife then n he who finds one, must be a terible thing.

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