The death of relationships

This post is definitely out of my league, not because its too difficult to write it but because I am not and neither will I ever consider myself to be a doctor Love. But after 4 failed relationships in the last 12 months, i find myself engulfed by a need for introversion in the hope that I can find the root/roots of the problem. This will hopefully mold my character either in choosing future girlfriends or dealing with them when such a choice is made, validated and effected. Or maybe the problem doesn’t lie with me but with the kind of ladies who come into my life. Women who look perfect from initial scrutiny but defective and troublesome on a more microscopic analysis. i don’t blame them though, these beautiful species initially made to make our lives bearable and tolerable. Ladies who should know better than to let insecurities and jealousy guide their actions, for those vices can only tarmac a path towards loss and hurt. If my experiences are anything to go by, and they are as good as those of any other bloke undergoing similar problems with the other sex, the following issues rank highly in my book as the cause of perpetual break ups.

a. Insecurities

This seems to be a curse that follows my women, no matter who or how they are. I’ve tried to see the reason behind this unending stream of insecurity within the women I commit to; an insecurity fueled by paranoid and unsubstantiated claims. In simple words, most women I date seem to be encumbered by a huge baggage of insecurity. I once dated a lady in campus who used to peep through her window all the time just to check whether i had any lady visitor. Woe unto me if she caught a glimpse of a skirt, skirt here being used metaphorically, and she would road runner herself right into my crib before you can offer the guest a place to sit. She would saunter into my crib, hug me tight, call me swits then proceed to give the guest one hell of an appraisal with the simple intention of letting her know “Bitch, try anything and you are dead.” Sad to say that whatever the agenda for the rendezvous was, be it academic or otherwise, would have to wait for another day. Needless to say, we did broke up shortly since in her humble opinion I had way too many women in my crib and that was simply unacceptable to her. But on a more moderate scenario, a man is a man and should be given some space to be that without unnecessary drama and BS from his counter part. Friday is usually a boys hang out and a woman who cant let you meet your boys for a beer or two simply because she’s haunted by the ghost of fictitious girlfriends is on a path towards self destruction. A lady who can’t date a handsome man without being dogged by a sense of insecurity is in my humble opinion either stupid, hypocritical or down right confused. You know what they say people, “If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen.”

b. Assumptions

This point would probably find itself sequenced within the prior point but for some issues which are above insecurities and merit singular consideration. There is nothing hurtful as being called a liar when all you have been doing is telling the truth. Even the bible gives significance to this ideal in the commandment “Don’t bear false witness.” If you drum negativity in the mind of a man when all he endeavors to do is fight it, he will embrace it. yes, he will accept the actions you assign him and indulge into them with gusto and malice. Why? because no one likes false accusations from a person who should know better. Picture a scenario where you are bored in the house on a weekend and your lady calls to check up on you. The said woman detects the melancholy in your voice and attitude but rather than sympathize, she chose (I wonder using what criteria) to imagine that this totally bored guy is harboring another lady and therefore the lack of hype. Picture another guy who stuck within the tent of mourning and without any escape to pick the lady’s call, only to get slapped with a bitchy fight later simply because the aforementioned lady refuses to take his world as truth. With time, it simply becomes unrealistic to continue with a relationship which brings nothing but frustration, hurt and anger. The better option, no, the only option becomes walking away and allow that kind of lady to wallow in her self made pit of assumptions which breeds nothing but self pity and unending loneliness.

c. Communications

They say that the best basis for any successful relationship is communication. This is a topic that have received great review and significant discourse in the issue exists in our magazines and over the net. I only intend to highlight some issues which usually lead to a break up if not overcome or dealt with. The first pertains to  assumptions as mentioned earlier, or better still how, to avoid it. It might be better to pose a question, in a civil manner, before you jump to unnecessary conclusions and launch into a tirade of words which can’t be withdrawn once cast out. Words are powerful indeed, use them sparingly and wisely for they have the power to make or destroy. Yet most women have never learnt restrain, in fact most glorify in their ability to spew out words which have not been moderated or tested by the prudence of the mind. If you took the time to inquire gently as to what is fueling your suspicion, you might come to realize that the guy is not upto no good and save your relationship unnecessary troubles. pride is also an important factor to consider in the issue of general communication between couples. Pride which prevents a person from reaching to the other person and apologizing when they have done them wrong. pride which keeps them apart and ruins what was potentially a commitment with a beautiful future. pride comes before a fall says the bible and one should only blame themselves when later all they feel is misery, having let go the  only true source of happiness. He is a fool who has no bread and thinks himself honorable, said Solomon in all his glorified wisdom. before you treasure you’re misguided pride, think of what you’ll have to do without and the future regrets that will threaten to strangle any kind of happiness you might have.

 

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14 responses to “The death of relationships

  1. Mmmmmh, I may need to sit with you for a casual chat.
    I have never dated a boys boy cos I know I can’t cope with his boys being his priority. By saying Friday is a boys night to catch drinks. For me that’s an indicator of who comes first. Women need to feel they are your number one….I hope you get where am coming from. This should be a round table conversation.

    If you’ve broken up with 4 girls or more over the same issues. Don’t you think that the problem is not with the girls?
    Not judging and please don’t be offended by my commentsw I can’t cope with his boys being his priority. By saying Friday is a boys night to catch drinks. For me that’s an indicator of who comes first. Women need to feel they are your number one….I hope you get where am coming from. This should be a round table conversation.

    If you’ve broken up with 4 girls or more over the same issues. Don’t you think that the problem is not with the girls?
    Not judging and please don’t be offended by my comments

  2. very true..but most women pretend to understand but inside they hope you can change it…alafu when they see that’s your way of life nagging inaanza!

  3. I agree that relationships are complicated,two different people trying to find a balance is not easy and finding that special someone who accepts to give you the space that you need ( with the boys or with girlfriends or hobbies etc) is not easy either…however,there is hope- life is beautiful 🙂

  4. I think communication can never be overemphasized…..there are women who think they can smell a rat from 5 kms away which means they think that they are almost always right, they don’t give communication a chance. Relationships could be much easier if people spent a little bit more time listening.

    ps keep the threads of hope alive

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