A gentleman

There is a lack of gentlemen in the world today, made so perhaps due to the changes that have made the concept redundant. But is such a concept truly possible under the onslaught of modernity and the social upheavals that have turned the world upside down. I have learnt that today being a nice guy does not sell, and people will prey upon it to further their agendas without the least bit consideration for your welfare. In other words, a nice guy is a modern slave under the manipulation and exploitation of hedonistic and selfish people bent on perpetuation of self interest with no regard to brotherly love. People will use you when it furthers their welfare and reduces their burden, ostensibly reducing you to the rank of mule when it suits. But in times when they hold the key to pleasure of other rewards, they’ll choose to bestow those favors upon other similar flock and let the nice guy wallow in self pity and perpetual loneliness.

I’m i a gentleman? i don’t really know, for i am a complex individual with tendencies influenced by mood and preference. I’m I a nice guy, most of the times depending on history and chance. Do i like being a gentleman or nice guy, when the enticement of fate favors the emergence of this sides of my split personality. The answer is two fold, and even this changes depending on the outcome of the liaison on which fate used as a vehicle to inspire this reemergence. I love being a gentleman when this side is born of love and adoration. To do it due to societal obligation or a need to impress is not in me, and hence a person who can’t touch any chord in my heart will never bear witness to this side of me. As for being nice, I accord all individuals this privilege the first time and if abused, i turn vile and distasteful and shower the cause with scorn and resentment. i am like a samurai sword, sharp on both ends and can turn from one end to the other in one swift act. And woe unto you who cause this change, and pray that your scrawny legs can carry you swift like the wind.

But what really defines a gentleman? Pulling a chair for a lady in a restaurant? Opening a car door for her every time you have the pleasure of her company, and the privilege of owning a jalopy as Biko likes to call a vehicle. This reminds of an interesting quote from a magazine “When you see a man open the car door for his wife; either its a new car or a new wife.” This statement brings significant criticism to the cannon of chivalry and goes to show that acts meant to define a gentleman are simply sugar coating meant to snare a naive and beautiful trophy. It is not of its own noble, and is aimed at the achievement of a hidden agenda which might be tied to the hedonistic principle of the pursuit of pleasure. So, some gentleman might be a clever player who understands that in the competitive fie;d of play, the bad boy side is saturated with masters and that his odds are better by changing sides to the least explored sides of the gentleman. a lady tired of the scorn visited upon them by the bad boy will be easy prey to the charms of the gentleman wanna be and sooner before you can say kaboom, she’ll be laid then laid aside and left bewildered and traumatized. So who is worse, the player who used her first or the gentleman who preyed on her pain to repeat the harm done her and cause her irreparable damage.

So I will pull a chair for you, if my heart demands that i do so. i will do all the small things that define a gentleman, if my emotions stir at your very presence. i will give you my sweater on a cold day if the very thought of being next to you warms my heart. i will offer to cater to all bills if im besieged by the beauty of thinking of a future with you in it. I will be romantic, if doing so might make me find a place in the jewel that is your heart. Do I do this because I’m a gentleman, or even a nice guy? The answer is a resounding no. I do it because I’m driven by personal interest, an interest to become some important in her life so as to make my mundane living tolerable. And he reduced number of gentleman’s is a reflection of the low standards society have set nowadays, and one no longer has to be anything in order to secure his self interest. a guy just needs to have money and the women will flock to him. Some just needs to be good looking and you can watch the ladies fall over themselves trying to catch the bastard’s eyes. All a man needs to do nowadays is look like an eye candy or flash some cheddar and the mama’s come running as if trying out for the Olympics. tell me then, dear reader, why anyone would go to the longevity of gentlemanly when there are so many easier routes to the same destination.


15 responses to “A gentleman

  1. Being nice is something you do all the time, just like being a gentleman. You don’t do it just coz you’re benefiting, you do it because it’s just who you are.

  2. Like Savvy I also think that you’re either a gentleman or you’re not. Like me, I doubt anyone I know would first think of describing me as ‘nice’. Not coz I’m not nice from time to time but coz that’s not the strongest part of my character.

    I know a nice guy who always seems to end up with the short end of the stick. Doesn’t stop him from being who he is though and it works for him.

  3. Interesting read πŸ™‚ I think you should have done 02 posts; one exclusively on Chivalry and about being a gentleman…

    First off; there is a nice guy & there is a smart, nice guy. I think it is possible to be nice, smart AND assertive.

    Secondly, you can be a gentleman AND a ladies man (a.k.a the player). A gentleman is someone who ‘gets’ the importance of being well-mannered & treating everyone you encounter be it a lady, man, child AND even the environment decently. It is something that should be ingrained in you so much so, it’s like breathing…

    My definition of a gentleman? Someone who observes basic good manners (be it while eating, on the streets, at a social function, while driving,on phone or on e-mails); someone who isn’t loud (you know; loud bling, showing off your riches,loud mouthed); Someone who is punctual, knows how to say please, thank you, I’m sorry, excuse me…a guy who tips & tips well BUT doesn’t make a big show of how much he’s tipping. Someone who doesn’t make cheap jokes about women, other people’s religions, cultures or even race. And yes, a guy who will help me with the luggage, pull out my seat, let me walk thro’ a door way first.

    The sad bit is, parents never bother to ensure their children understand the importance of being well-mannered no?

  4. i like your honesty…but thing is.. being a gentleman is intrinsic. It’s within you from your upbringing/socialization. It should feel natural and not forced or out of obligation. It should not be fueled by personal interest nor exaggerated depending on what culture you’ve been bred from… If opening a car door is not natural to you,and you never saw any of your mentors do it,then we cannot say that you are not a gentleman for failing to do it..BUT,the basics is what counts most..a gentleman is respectful of any person..male/female…is mindful of others needs before his own,and protects what he belives in and those he loves.bas!..not all gentlemen are alike,as socialization/upbringing differs…but IMHO,these are the basics πŸ™‚

    • 1st, u been lost gal been stalking ur blogs without any reward for my effort, write damn it. Secondly, if i was to base my evaluation on ur argument, perhaps i am a gentleman after all

    • Well put Yellasoul…As for the car door move, i think that can be optional. I know of ladies who do prefer opening their own car doors…and some stuff, even if our parents didn’t teach us, as adults we should be able to pick them up along the road of growing up & incorporate them in our day to day lives no? Especially if they feel right…

      @ Pitzevans: I’m loving this discussion you started πŸ™‚

      • i’m not sure i know the line between plite assertion and over assertion, so most times i prefer toavoid the whole issue and the person causing me to think about the issue, in simpler words i tell u to go find urself a cliff to jump

  5. As most commenters have said, being a gentleman is about having good manners. That does not mean letting people walk all over you…

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